Chandler: (to Monica) Your sister Joan is crazy.
Rachel: (They both just stare at her.)Y'know what? Fine, I don't care. Don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table?
Chandler: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes.
Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.
Rachel: Okay.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It's Phoebe!
Chandler: Oh, yay...
Monica: Great...
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?
Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then...
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room?
Monica: But my clothes are-ohh! (They both leave.)
(Cut to Chandler's room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn't, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
Chandler: Wow, you look...
Monica: No time for that!
(They both start to frantically rip each other's clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)
Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
Chandler: Well, I've got a girl in here.
Joey: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica!
Chandler: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here!
Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?
Chandler: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here?
Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant!
Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
[Scene: Ross and Emily's room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]
Monica: You really think this is okay?
Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it.
Monica: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this.
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Monica: Okay!
Chandler: Okay!
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
Ross: (entering) Emily?!
Chandler: Nope, not under here!
Monica: You didn't find her?
Ross: No, I've looked everywhere!
Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her!
Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
Monica: Or 45.
Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)
Ross: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.
Monica: Well, it's getting late.
Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna go.
Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
Monica: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.
Chandler: Yeah, it's a very large plane.
Ross: (disappointed) That's cool.
Chandler: But, we'll stay here with you.
Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt.
(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Ross and Emily's room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monica's lap and his feet on Chandler's lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.]
Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
Monica: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think?
Chandler: We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it.
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there's a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Mr. Waltham: No.
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us.
Mr. Waltham: We've come for her things.
Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?
Mr. Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again.
Mrs. Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious.
Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here!
Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.
Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside... (Sees the Walthams and stops.)
Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.
Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that.
Mr. Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!
[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]
Monica: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.
Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realises something) Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.
Monica: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit?
Chandler: 'Kay!
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica's seat.)
Joey: Can I ask you something?
Chandler: Uhh, no.
Joey: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Chandler: No.
Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Thanks man.
Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
Joey: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?
(Monica returns.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
Monica: I know!
Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Ross: Rach! Rach!
Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
Ross: Oh.
Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?
Ross: Not yet.
Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.
Ross: Pretty soon I guess.
Rachel: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Ross: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up?
Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
Ross: Same difference.
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.
Ross: I get it! Well, that's that.
Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good.
Ross: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know...
Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!
Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go!
Rachel: Good!
Ross: I know, why not?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Right?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Y'know-thanks! (They hug)
Rachel: Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.
Ross: Yeah, well...nah.
Rachel: What? Wait, what?
Ross: Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?
Rachel: Well-well, I don't know Ross-really?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.
Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!
Ross: Okay!
Rachel: Okay!
Ross: Cool!
Rachel: All right!
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Rachel: Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah.
Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!
Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait...
Ross: You tell them to wait!
Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait!
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Ross: Emily.
(She stares at him and Ross realises what she's thinking.)
Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!
Commerical Break
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot
Air Hostess: Okay.
Rachel: And uh, (points to Ross's seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer.
Air Hostess: Okay, good. Thank you. I'll be back shortly, all right?
Rachel: All right. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. (Realises that that's not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? They said they were gonna wait! (yells after the air hostess) Miss? Yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? Oh my... Ross, you better be under the wheels of this thing!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hi!
(They all hug.)
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (They're shocked.)
Chandler: No we didn't!
Phoebe: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica.
Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.
Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.
Joey: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days?
Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.
Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule.
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother...
Chandler: Right.
Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks.
Chandler: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay?
Monica: (laughs) That's okay.
Chandler: And I'm cute too.
Monica: And you're cute too.
Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Bye.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Chandler: (entering) I'm still on London time, does that count?
Monica: That counts!
Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)
End