Joey: Do something..... Something....
(Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Have you seen Monica?
Chandler: (Very defensive.) I'm not seeing Monica.
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Look we've got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel's coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
Chandler: Oh my god!
Joey: I know! That's why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica enter together.]
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! It's like a fairyland.
Mrs. Waltham: I know, it's horrible isn't it?
Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. I'll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I don't even like Chandler.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
(Ross and Chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practising for the wedding.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It's the second one.
Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
[Scene: Joey's in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: Hey, Felicity.
Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
Joey: Yeah.
Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
Joey: Oh, yeah.
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
Mrs. Geller: There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine cellar.
Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass.
Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
Emily: What-what's going on?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! That's it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That's right!!
Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
Emily: What was all that about?
Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realises that she's in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck.
Ross: You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have. (He hugs her.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I can't believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. She's almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It's Phoebe again.
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey's chest.) Joey there's a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Phoebe: Joey, it's Phoebe. Did you stop Rachel?
Joey: No, but it's okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Phoebe: So nothing got ruined?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh that's so great! Ohh, so what's going on now?
Joey: Ah, I'm-I'm walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) I'm about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now I'm at the front with Ross. It's Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...I'd better go.
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above Ross's shoulder.)
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I'm coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.
(They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride begins to play. Everyone seated looks back. Emily is being escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on the cheek and takes her place by Ross's side.)
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
Emily: I, Emily...
Minister: Take thee Ross...
Emily: Take thee Ross...
Minister: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.
Minister: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realises what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her.)
Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
{Transcriber's Note: This is orginally where the season four cliffhanger was. So you all have to wait four months before reading on.}
Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
(Cut to the parents.)
Mr. Geller: (to Mr. Waltham) He better go on for what I'm paying.
Mr. Waltham: After what he just said, you're paying for the whole bloody lot.
Minister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross...
Ross: I, Ross...
Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY...
Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there'd be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
(Cut to the Walthams.)
Mrs. Waltham: (to Mr. Waltham) Looks like that might come any minute.
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: Happy to.
Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
Ross: Yay!
Minister: You may kiss the bride.
(He goes to kiss her, but she isn't very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily's hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Emily: Just keep smiling.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.
Chandler: It could've been worse, he could've shot her.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it?
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!
Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?
Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She's just fixing her makeup.
Emily: I hate you!!
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Ross: That's true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
(Mrs. Waltham's phone rings and she answers it.)
Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Mrs. Waltham: Who?
Phoebe: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
(Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)
Phoebe: Hello? What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor!
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.
Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
Chandler: Seven times!
Monica: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away...
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country...
Monica: I blame London.
Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
Monica: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?
Chandler: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it.
Monica: Only here.
Chandler: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs...
Monica: I'll meet you there in two minutes.
Chandler: Okay!
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
Monica: (impatiently) Now?
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I?
Monica: Oh, I-I don't know.
Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
Rachel: What?
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.
Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realise that, I can't help you.
Rachel: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.
Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?
Joey: Hey, what's up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he's eating it with his hands.)
Joey: (motions to himself and Mrs. Geller and grins) You and me, next dance?
(Cut to Rachel who is walking past Mrs. Waltham.)
Mrs. Waltham: Sweetheart, sweetheart...
Rachel: Yes?
Mrs. Waltham: You know, we're all wondering who this Rachel is. Can you point her out to me?
Rachel: Oh, you know what? Rachel.. She just left. (Points at the entrance.)
Mrs. Waltham: Oh.. Never mind. Who are you?
Rachel: Ra.... Er.. Barbra.
Mrs. Waltham: Red Barbra?
Rachel: Yeah. (Smiles uneasily.)
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
Chandler: Forget it, that's off.
Monica: Why?!
Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes...
(Joey walks up to them.)
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies!
Joey: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.
Monica: That's true.
Chandler: The man's got a point.
(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well.
Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, "I take thee circus freak." Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right?
Ross: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you...
Rachel: Right...
Ross: But it absolutely didn't. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn't!! It didn't!!
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so...
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!!
Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
Ross: Look, I'm sorry.
Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
Rachel: (laughs) Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
Ross: Oh, right!
Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y'know?
(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realise what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name.
Monica: How did you get in here?
Rachel: If anybody asks, I'm your sister, Joan. Listen. C'mon, you guys. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me!