Part I Written by: Michael Borkow
Part II Teleplay by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri
Part II Story by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin
Part III Written by: Seth Kurland
Part I Transcribed by: Eric Aasen & Marita Bakken
Part II Transcribed by: Aaron D. Miller & Marita Bakken
Part III Transcribed by: Eric Aasen & Marita Bakken
{Transcriber's Note: This is the Uncut Version of Ross's second wedding it includes episodes 423, 424, and 501. It also includes some previously cut parts not shown in the U.S. Those parts are shown in blue text.}
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica.
Joey: What do you got there?
Chandler: Condoms, dude!
Joey (looks at the box): How come the writing is in Spanish?
Chandler: Don't read my condoms!
[Cut to the girls' apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe and Rachel watch.]
Monica: Passport, check! (As she puts away each item, she says check.) Camera, check! Traveller's cheques, check!
Rachel: Who are you saying "check" too?
Monica: Myself. Y'know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realised it was weird.
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Hey! Are you ready yet?
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
Ross: Oh! Got 'em right here, (Pats his coat pocket) check!
[Cut to the guys' apartment.]
Joey: It's all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls' apartment.)
Chandler: You got your passport?
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don't want to lose that.
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesn't know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
Chandler: There it is.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where everything is.]
Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, it's in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator...
Phoebe: Okay, okay, but Rachel's gonna be here too, can't I just ask her this stuff?
Monica: Yeah, okay, give that a try!
Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Let's do it!
Joey: Woo-hoo!!
Ross: Yeah, cheerie-o!
Joey: London baby!
Chandler: Okay, 'cause that's not gonna get annoying.
Joey: (louder) London baby!!
Chandler: Hey, y'know what? I was wrong.
Ross: Well, we're all here! I guess we should get going!
Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I don't-can't get up.
Ross: Oh, I'll-I'll come hug you.
Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Phoebe: Oh, have a great wedding!
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!
Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it's on the counter in your apartment.
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebe's book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Ross: (to Rachel) So, we're off.
Rachel: Have fun!
Ross: Thanks! (They hug.) Ugh, I can't believe you're not gonna be there!
Rachel: Oh, I know.
Ross: So-so come! Why don't you come?
Rachel: What?!
Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? It'll mean so much to me.
Rachel: Yeah, well, I gotta work, I'm sorry.
Ross: Why-why can't you take a couple of days off?
Rachel: Because, I can't! Ross, I told you, no. I can't.
Ross: This is my wedding.
Monica: All right, y'know what? We really are late! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!!
Ross: Fine. You'll-you'll watch it on video when we get back.
Chandler: (entering, with Phoebe's book.) Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo.
Phoebe: (laughs) Thank you.
(Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
Ross: All right, let's go! Bye, Pheebs!
Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says...)
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything!
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves it's entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Come on! Do something!
Chandler: I am, I'm ignoring you.
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
Joey: It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go... No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I'm gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Thames, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where they're gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Emily: ...and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We're not gonna be...
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
Emily: Well, up yours too!
Ross: What?!
Emily: Oh, that's not what it means?
Ross: No! No! That's-that's time-out!
Emily: Sorry.
Ross: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come on.
Monica: Chicken Kiev?
Ross: Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute?
Monica: Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) But of course with salmon you'd have to worry about the chickenella... So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married!
Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married here.
Emily: I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you'll ever see. I mean it's over... (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
Monica: It's nice.
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
[Cut to inside.]
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Ross: It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right.
Emily: How's it gonna be all right?!
Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.
Ross: What? What?
Monica: They tore it down a few days early.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are sitting on the top floor on one of the red coaches in London that doesn't have a roof. Joey is very enthusiastic and is pointing at all the different sights. Chandler is really embarrassed and tries to make him stop. Afterwards, Joey tries to film Chandler with his video camera, and Chandler obviously hates this. Then, Joey falls asleep, and Chandler tries to take the video camera away from him. However, Joey is holding onto it (in his sleep) and won't let it go. Chandler pulls until Joey lets it go, causing Chandler to fall out of his seat.]
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Chandler: I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place.
Joey: Really? To what?
Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
[Scene: A bridal shop somewhere in London. Monica is trying on her red bridesmaid dress, and Emily is watching. A dressmaker is working on Monica's dress.]
Monica: Don't worry. You'll find some place to get married.
(The dressmaker puts a pin in the dress, but accidentally pricks Monica with it.)
Monica: Oowww!!
Dressmaker: Sorry. Lucky this dress is red!
Emily: We can't find another place. Then we can't have the wedding! I've ordered chicken and salad and-and cake for 150. What should be the most wonderful day of my life is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food!
Monica: You're gonna find a place. But even if - God forbid - you didn't.. So you postpone the wedding. Is that really so bad? I mean, think about it. You could take all the time you needed to get everything that you want. You could have tulips, you could have salmon.... Mmmmm... Salmon!!
Emily: I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world... Oh, thank you!
Monica: But either way... You're gonna get married, you're gonna be happy, my mom's gonna like you better than me.
(Emily smiles a bit and looks uncomfortable.)
Monica: Oh, god... She's told you that already, didn't she?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
Rachel: Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need?
Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
Rachel: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat.
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. What's the matter?
Rachel: I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn't have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Phoebe: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married...
Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: I'm not in love with Ross!
Phoebe: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.
Rachel: Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in love with him. Y'know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him-Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my-why didn't you tell me?!!
Phoebe: We thought you knew!
Rachel: We?!
Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything.
Rachel: Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me!
Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, "Hey, you like things clean." Or, y'know, "Hey, Joey, you're gay."
(Rachel stares at her.)